Lately
I've been having a lot of thoughts about friendships and relationships. Being
in my senior year of college I have formed and lost many friendships. About a
month ago, I had a conversation with a friend that I had since my sophomore
year at CWU. This friend and I have fallen out of touch over this past fall
quarter. When I left the conversation, for some reason I felt bad that we had
lost touch. And I felt that for some reason I was the one to blame for us not being
as close anymore. Then I came to a realization.
Friendship isn't a one way relationship.
It's taken me a long time to figure this out. I first started I guess noticing this when my friends from the grade above me graduated and went off to college. At first we kept in touch through texting and Facebook (Or was it Myspace at that time??). But eventually we drifted apart.
Then
when they came home over break, it would always be, "You never talk to me
anymore." This line drives me insane now. To some degree if you never hear
from someone anymore; maybe it's not because they have lost touch, but maybe
it's, that you, yourself have seem to lost the value of said
relationship.
We
(20 somethings) have grown up in an era where everything is instant. Our whole
lives have become about instant gratification. And quite frankly about what can
get us further in life. No longer and do we very often do something, without
the mind set of where can this get me. Or how can I use this situation to
better myself.
Now
that being said, there are many young folks my age that are very giving and
help better the world people. And I am aware of that. But I'm talking mostly
about just relationships and friendships. But, back to the instant
gratification idea. I was talking to my best friend Melissa (we were texting, so not
even taking the chance to call her and hear her voice and actually talk to her) the other day about life and just
catching her up on a decision I had made. Then I told her that I had seen that
she went skiing for this first time. So we talked about that briefly. Then she
told me she had deactivated her Facebook. And I said “WHEN?”, being that I just saw a post the night before. She then said, "5 minutes ago.
lol". At that moment I thought to myself, we can go through life and know
so much about our friends and families lives without every talking to them. I
was mind boggled. Since when did we let it become okay to not be present in the
lives of those we love and care for. This is why it is so easy for us to lose
friendships and become distant from our friends.
Melissa and I then went on to talk about how Facebook and the post we've been seeing on it had been annoying us lately. And that we are putting so much effort into what the lives of other are doing. We as a society spend so much time comparing ourselves to the lives of others that I believe we 1. forget to live our own lives and 2. get frustrated with people about things they post on social media, which is tad ridiculous, that we get mad with people for things they don't even realize they've done. Which then only leads to us distancing ourselves from those people, and thus losing the relationship all together in the end.
How many times have you been out to dinner with friends, and everyone is on their phones and no one is really engaging in conversation? We are all, so attached to our phones, to social media, so we can know what's happening with our 500+ "friends", that we are oblivious to what's happening around us. I sit here thinking about the last few months and the times I've been "hanging out" with my friends and how most if not every time, for a large portion of it, we are all on our phones. Whether it's scrolling on Facebook, looking through Instagram, checking the Twitter feed or just whatever, we are never satisfied with the company we keep. It's starting to feel like we constantly have to be in search of a greater, better time. If we continue to be in search of a better time, we will never be satisfied with our lives.
At
one point last year, my friends and I tried a challenge I found on Pinterest.
We all put our phones in the center of the table and the first one to grab
their phone was supposed to pay for dinner. Well needless to say, we didn't
make it very long before all of us were itching to have our phones back in our
hands. Phones have become like a security blanket.
To be honest, I am probably the guiltiest one of all. I am constantly on my phone. Even if I'm talking to someone face-to-face, I am checking my phone; and it's not that I'm not interested in what the person is saying, I've just become accustom to checking my phone and often. So if I have ever made you feel like I was ignoring you or being rude, I am so sorry. Now, that I have brought this to my own attention I'm going to try to be better about it. There are so many friendships that I care way too much about to lose. One thing I love about my best friends is, we can go weeks without talking and months-years without seeing each other, and when we get back together or talk it's like we never left each other's side.
So my challenge to all of you, and to myself, is to reach out to a friend that you maybe are missing or just haven't talked to in a while. For all you know, that person could really need you right now. Also, if you and your friends are feeling daring; try out the challenge where you leave all the phones in the middle of the table at dinner or down at one end. Maybe not have them buy everyone's dinner but maybe their drinks or something.
